A Job of Love

As a mom it is easy to justify myself when I fall behind in my chores around the house. I didn't fold and put away laundry, but I washed it. That counts for something, right? Dinner was drive through. Ok, yes....again, but at least the family ate, right? 

I meant to mop, but....

Things are picked up and put.....somewhere....

I'm still sorting that.

I can't organize that till I buy a organizer thingy.

I was sick.

A kid was sick.

We are recovering from being sick.

I'm tired today.

The kids were tired.

It is still mostly clean. 

It is a frumpy day.

The kids were difficult.

I work 24/7- 365 I deserve one day off!

The house looks "lived in" and it should, right? We are a family and we do live here after all. 

Besides I am a MOM and I do so much more than you can even see; working out fights, life lessons, battling child meltdowns and hormones. I mean if a person had to deal with their job back-talking and giving it a life lesson each time the opportune moment presented itself, well I am sure no business would promise to have it delivered in 30 minutes or it's free and you would definitely kiss "guaranteed to be delivered by" goodbye! 

Lots of valid reasons to be behind in my jobs and I have used them all more than once, including tonight. 

Tonight my husband woke up to kids fighting, came out to a mildly messy (on a scale of 1-10, 10 being worst disaster ever, 1 being "like how grandma kept her pristine home," about a 6- "lived in right after small child hurricanes came through"), had to find clean clothes in the "washed, but not yet folded" pile and ate cold fast food for dinner. Needless to say he was not happy and he unleashed the grump beast on me. 

"Is it so much to ask that you do your job?" he asked, frowning at his cold tacos. 

The excuses came rolling into my head fast and furious and my back stiffened indignantly.

 "What I ask for isn't much, but I guess it is too much to hope for. You know what I want, but I guess it's never gonna happen." 

Too irritated to hear anymore I left and went to "take care" of these super important things that I should have done, but didn't for a very good reason and was now too pissed to do, but was going to do anyway since it is "what he wanted" and heaven forbid he be inconvenienced. Harumph!!!

Not too long after, but long enough that I had battled between anger and self pity, he came down to find me "enduring my martyrdom" of midnight laundry folding. He apologized. I released the floodgate and cried....I was sorry too. 

Hubby and I have battled this struggle before. He wants a clean home, cared for children and food to eat- preferably home cooked and not "uh well this is what I came up with at the top of my head because I didn't plan" surprise casserole. I know this. I also know that when I actually TRY I can do it and do it well and it makes everything run smoothly and feel peaceful. So why doesn't it happen? Well.....you read my reasons......uh justifications........ok my excuses why earlier. Bottom line, laziness and procrastination were my frien-emies long before he was ever my beloved husband and they are terribly persuasive.

Right before my husband left we briefly discussed bills and upcoming expenses. He kissed me good bye, told me he loved me and sighed. 

"Why the sigh?"

"It is nothing."

"Really? Are you ok? What is wrong?"

"Nothing. Really. I just have to go work so I can provide for the happiness of the household. It's my job. It's what I do. Love you."

He gave me one more kiss and left, but I could sense the burden of his responsibility on his shoulders.

"It is my job. It is what I do." My heart ached and my shoulders slumped. A feeling of melancholy settled as I contemplated how I could help him. Could I help bring in money? What could I do? The desire to help him  ached inside. How can I help his burden?

"It's my job. It's what I do."

Lightening struck and it definitely stung a little. The answer was, quite literally, in front of me. I could do my job. I could do my job! When the home is clean and he has good food to eat and is a place of peace, he can escape to it and be rejuvenated. He can feel at ease knowing this part of his world is taken care of and he does not need to worry about it because I have it covered. So simple and so important. 

Yes. I have many justifications to not do my chores, but I have a really important reason to do them.....because they are my job and because I love my family. My husband works to provide because he loves us. So do I and I had forgotten that. There is joy loving my family through the work I do and I need to love them the best I can. 

The Texting Driver

This recently showed up on my Facebook page 

and I think it is important enough to share. 

Please watch. 

I think most of us can say we have seen it, been in the car while it is happening or maybe even done it ourselves- read or replied to a text while driving. We live in a world where instant gratification is becoming like a demanding need instead of a want and we find ourselves in constant "go mode."

If it rings answer it. 

If it dings reply to it.

If it knocks answer it. 

Need an answer send a text. 

Have a moment "check-in."

But do we really need this instant gratification all the time? Do we need the constant plug in? Are we paying too high a price? 

The people in the video above did. 

It is so easy to say "I can handle it," or "that won't happen to me." I am sure that is what these people thought too. My step son is about to drive and all I want to tell him is just turn the stupid thing off while you drive.  Nothing is important enough to risk your life. I have been the passenger of a texting driver and although I felt a little nervous, I didn't say anything. I should have. And be warned my dear family and friends, I will say something now, because although I have been fortunate enough so far NOT to be affected by texting and driving I don't want any of us to be....ever.

It may not seem like a big deal. You do it all the time. Could do it with your eyes closed. It is just a moment. Would you drive while drunk? If not than you shouldn't drive while texting either because a texting driver is WORSE than a drunk driver.

 From cnbc.com:

The folks at Car and Driver Magazine have now documented just dangerous it can be.

Rigging a car with a red light to alert drivers when to brake, the magazine tested how long it takes to hit the brake when sober, when legally drunk at .08, when reading and e-mail, and when sending a text. The results are scary. Driving 70 miles per hour on a deserted air strip Car and Driver editor Eddie Alterman was slower and slower reacting and braking when e-mailing and texting.

The results:

• Unimpaired: .54 seconds to brake

• Legally drunk: add 4 feet

• Reading e-mail: add 36 feet

• Sending a text: add 70 feet

When I took the test for reading e-mail or texting, I was just as slow to react. On average, it took me four times longer to hit the brake. Mike Austin at Car and Driver told me in blunt terms that I was "way worse" than the average driver.

Don't text and drive. There is no need and nothing so dire it can't wait. Honest. 

Come home alive, don't text and drive!

At long last!

I am so thrilled to announce that my precious little niece IS HERE!!! 

Welcome to the world Elliana Lily

 8 lbs 1 ounce and 20 inches of beautiful preciousness!    

It was a long, challenging process and my sister did AWESOME! I should also note that her husband was amazing too! My friend Jamie, my sister's husband and I worked as an "amazing team" (as described by the ob nurses) through days of the induction and labor process, but none worked so hard as my sister! Props to her hubby too of course! (Did I really just use "props?" Did my use of the word "props" just totally age me? Hmmm.... Oh well.) And yes I am going to brag because she was truly much stronger than she believed herself to be.

 I know some will say "it is a natural process and every woman does it, so why is her doing it such a big deal?" And, sure to some degree they are right- it is a natural process, however in my (perhaps not so humble opinion) every woman deserves at least a moment of praise for making it through, especially the ones who have to fight a little extra! My sister definitely had to fight an uphill battle against a body that wasn't ready and medical treatment that seemed to want to undo every step forward she took, but she did it. I know I have said it a lot, but bare with me one more time- I am so PROUD of you sis!

And seeing their happy little family all together, bonding, happy, well and safe a feeling of peace came over me. In that sweet moment I happily knew my "job" was done and I was content with that. I am auntie to Ellie and she is mommy and I had my own wonderful family I needed to get home to; to hold, love on and take care of and I missed them.

Her mommy journey is just beginning, but I have had the great (and at times challenging) honor of my own special family journey and I am not done yet. My little ones need me still and what joy that fills my heart with! Our lives are full of tae kwon do and dance and school and chores and growing and learning and each moment, even the stressful, crazy ones or the challenging learning ones, are important and special. Before she knows it she will be where I am and I will be getting ready to set mine free, oh how scary that thought is. Seems like forever some days, but before I know it that moment will be here and so I have to remember that I have right now.

Right now to hug.

Right now to kiss.

Right now to teach.
Right now to help.

Right now to cheer. 

Right now to guide.
Right now to play.

Forever to love.

Slow and steady....causes contemplation

Man oh man the baby waiting game is TOUGH!! My sis has been in the hospital since Thursday night going through the process of being induced and it has been s-l-o-w! Baby just is not in the mood to play this being born game. I did recently receive the exciting news that her water broke, so now the official countdown is ON! Come on baby...LET'S GO!!!

As I, hem hem...er...patiently-ish, wait lots of things are going through my mind. I can't help but contemplate the irony of the fact that several times in the past few days I have wanted to "take out" a kid or two (oh the joys of pre-tween hormonal driven sibling battles) while she is anxious to "bring one in!" 

I also have found myself reviewing my whole role as sister. 

The simple truth is my sister and I have been INCREDIBLY close all our lives. Perhaps even more close than typical siblings and because of this we have been intertwined in one another lives in a complicated and deeply rooted way. Very little happens in one of our lives without it affecting the other in some way, be it as simple as advice or full on hands on help. We have been best friends, siblings, confidantes, conspirators, fighters and survivors together and each experience created a depth to our relationship that few fully comprehend, but most recognize as deep, strong and untouchable. 

However, as I watch her and her husband work through this induction process and face this new milestone in their lives I realize my role in this moment is different than it ever has been, I am a supporting a role not a main character in this script. I know in my mind this is good, right and as it should be, but I confess a part of me aches to be a main and pivotal role in this moment with her and even in this moment of joy I feel some sadness and.....almost a loss. As their relationship grows stronger together I am afraid ours will weaken. I should know better. And more than that I should be thrilled for them. Such a selfish confession this is. I know my view is faulty, but I think I needed this moment to let my feelings hurt and heal. 

I almost have to laugh at myself because I know if (when) she reads this I am going to get a "look." You know what I mean, a facial expression that says "Really?" "Seriously?" and "You have to be kidding me!" all at once. And I deserve it. 

I think if I am honest with myself I am afraid she won't need me anymore. In this amazing moment she and her husband are strong, full of love and they have each other and that is all they truly need and this is not only good, but as it should be. However, I need to realize their strength is unique and its own, just like their relationship and just like the relationship I share with her. 

(Sis, if/when you read this, I am sorry for my bizarre jealousy and fears. Hopefully it didn't affect you in any way. And you can trust that I am over myself! I love you!)

 

Fit to burst!

I am so stinking excited! My sister is finally in her ninth month of pregnancy and so close to due making her a first time mommy and more importantly me a first time Auntie with all the spoiling rights and privileges allowed the title! I can hardly wait (and neither can she truth be told!)

Isn't she cute! (yes I am totally biased)
Don't kill me for sharing this pic sis!

As a mommy and a sister all of instincts have been in full swing. I want to help her, teach her, direct her, encourage her, protect her, spoil her....on and on the list goes. It really is a different feeling though. I mean I know what it is to be and feel pregnant, but I feel thumbs sometimes when it comes to trying to help he,r part because it has been so long and part because I know (sniff sniff) little sis is all grown up and doing this family thing herself now! (sigh....sniff....)

It doesn't change a thing and it seems to change everything. Her milestone is my milestone. From sister to aunt. Wow.

And this reality makes me stop and look around. My babies are almost 8 and 10. Eight and ten!!!  Um, when, where, how???? I am almost a mom to a tween and definitely mom to a tween wannabe and about to be an Aunt. I'm supposed to know stuff and have advice and tips and shortcuts and be the someone my niece can talk to when mom "just doesn't get it" and am  I ready? Am I really that old that I can be that person already? Hmm....I guess so ready or not here it comes!

My oh my time flies when you are living life. I hope I have paid enough attention to be of help and not to have missed the important stuff.

And to my sissy... I am SO proud of you and excited for you! You have made it through this amazing milestone beautifully (almost done) and are about to enter the next greatest and longest one....motherhood! It will be amazing and difficult, but I know you can do it. And I will be here for you as best I can giving what advice I know and encouraging you and your hubby through the rest as you build your beautiful family. From one mom to another...

• Cherish each moment big and small because it is in those moments that life happen
• It is ok to take mommy time, so take it guilt free
• Going grocery shopping very slowly just to have a break is normal....enjoy it
• Sometimes taking a nap while baby is sleeping really is better than trying to clean something
• Don't forget to take care of you...you are the main pole in your family tent....you go down and all the other walls go down with you
• Yes your baby, your husband and your family all love you even if they forget to say it, or thank you, or happy birthday, or happy mother's day, or hi mom..... 
• Yes those things you do that seem to go unnoticed do matter 
• Yes mommies are beautiful too...and sexy....and fun
• Not all moms will agree with how you choose to parent, just do what is best for your family and don't think twice about what others may or may not think about how you do what you do
• Not parenting like another mommy doesn't make you a bad mommy, it makes you....you
• Yes they can seem to spawn into demon, but they  really are your children and will get back to some form of normal eventually
• Sometimes it is best to take a breath and count to 10....or 20.....or 100
• Daddy won't take care of them like you do, but he is taking care of them "daddy style" just let it be and let them bond "daddy style"
• And yes this is the most trying and most amazing job that will ever bless your life and you can do it

I love you sis....now let's get to having this baby I am ready to be an Auntie!

Christmas, colds and chaos

There is absolutely nothing worse than being a sick mom at the end of a plague that is working its way through the house! You get to nurture, coddle and comfort everyone back to health one by one, while balancing the rotating chores,cleaning up behind the sickies, negotiating who has to do what (yes I know it isn't fair but they are sick so pleas just do it), keeping your chores under control all while trying desperately to not let anyone else catch it in a manic attempt to sanitize every surface and boost the immune systems of those not yet infected. And then when it dares to hit your system and knock you into what should be out of commission- no one in the family can possibly fathom why you simply want to hide in bed all day- like they were just hours before. Yet the demands keep on coming so you push through, begging the clock to please get to nap time or bedtime or anytime that can equal REST, until you either recover or collapse hidden away somewhere long enough to be missed (hey what's for dinner?) Fun times for sure and there really is nothing worse.....unless of course you get the privilege of all this joy right smack dab in the middle of Christmas! Oh yes! Never ask, "can it get any worse?" because the answer is (cue rain) yes it ALWAYS can get worse.

Illness+Christmas= no fun, especially for mom! Not only do we get to do all the above, but also add negotiating holiday shopping, wrapping, visiting, parties, and drying the inevitable tears as sickies sadly miss out on one event or another can just can't understand why they can't go since it 's just a cough and fever and sniffles...oh my.

So you can only imagine how my cup overran with joy when I woke up a few mornings ago feeling like death drug for miles behind a semi over bumpy road left in a sauna that wouldn't quit rocking. Miserable, for a poor summary, really miserable. And the reality that Christmas would not wait for the miserable drowned my cup. Shopping. Wrapping. Menu planning. Cleaning. Helping children shop. Cooking. It all waited for me. Merry freaking Christmas.

Years of working in the medical field taught me that caring for myself was crucial to not only getting better, but would help prevent the rest of the house from getting sick again, so I of course bundled up, grabbed my water bottle, tossed back some meds and went out head first into the waiting Christmas chaos to do list. What??? It wasn't going to get done any other way and it needed to be done. Christmas was coming no matter how badly this sickie grinch didn't want it to (at least not for a few more days or a week.) So task by task, ever so slowly I made my way through each thing. There were shortcuts and pleas for help that my super hubby came to the rescue to answer, but in the end it ALL happened and it was WONDERFUL, despite the few illness casualties- sorry sis and hubby :-( you should be feeling better soon though :-)

Christmas Eve dinner was amazing with food, love, joy,  family and friendship abounding everywhere. No one noticed the store bought veggie trays, missing snacks or helter skelter of the table set up.

The abundance of joy from Christmas Eve overflowed into Christmas Day and no one batted an eye that our get together was over an hour late, there weren't ribbons and bows on every gift, some gifts were mislabeled or that food was fend for yourself and not laid out.

It wasn't picture perfect, but it was oh so PERFECT and I wouldn't have done it any other way sickie and all.



Ok, ok....well I would skip the sickie part that was miserable, but the rest...yeah that was perfect Christmas chaos!

What did I do? (In reflection)

I find myself in a state of...reflection. All over Facebook friends have posted memorials, stories, opinions and thoughts on the recent tragedy in Connecticut and post by post it has been sinking deeper and deeper into my heart.

There are Christmas trees with wrapped gifts waiting for children who will not open them.
Did I do something kind for my children today? Or did I spend more time focusing on others?

There are projects begun that will not be finished by the tiny hands that started them.
Did I create a memory with my children today? Or did I put off their pleas to do something....till tomorrow?

There are arms aching in emptiness for the child that will not climb into them.
Did I hug my children today? Or did brush them off in too much of a hurry to get something done?

There are ears that strain to hear an "I love you mommy" that is not coming.
Did I listen to my children today? Or did tell them "that's nice dear" while only listening with half an ear.

There are words of "I love you" that will be spoken, but not returned by an ever silent headstone.
Did I tell my children I love them today? Or did I use more words to discipline than love and build them up?

There are prayers filling the heavens of regret for that "just one more day" that isn't going to dawn bringing with it a precious child.
Did I thank God for my children today? Or did I mutter a prayer of long suffering begging for "5 minutes peace?"

Did I make the most of my blessings, my children and the time I have with them? Do I try? Do I even realize how very precious it is? In the middle of this terrible tragedy is a reminder that every moment counts and although I imagine many of us held our children a little extra tight that day, I can't help but wonder how long will it be before life shuffles us right back into the same ol' same ol'.

How can I remember to make each moment count as a mom, as a wife, as a sister, as an aunt, as a person?

I think it is in the little things.

Stop and smell the roses. Sing the silly song. Bake the cookies. Listen to the story. Read the story. Compliment the crazy hair do. Cuddle in the morning. Eat the creative breakfast. Say "I love you." Dance in the living room. Turn the radio up loud and sing along.

Make the most of each moment because that is all life is.....a bunch of moments that turn into memories, life lessons and living. I read or heard somewhere that it isn't the destination, but the journey that matters. Life happens in the journey not once you get to the destination.

It is time to smell the roses.