A Job of Love

As a mom it is easy to justify myself when I fall behind in my chores around the house. I didn't fold and put away laundry, but I washed it. That counts for something, right? Dinner was drive through. Ok, yes....again, but at least the family ate, right? 

I meant to mop, but....

Things are picked up and put.....somewhere....

I'm still sorting that.

I can't organize that till I buy a organizer thingy.

I was sick.

A kid was sick.

We are recovering from being sick.

I'm tired today.

The kids were tired.

It is still mostly clean. 

It is a frumpy day.

The kids were difficult.

I work 24/7- 365 I deserve one day off!

The house looks "lived in" and it should, right? We are a family and we do live here after all. 

Besides I am a MOM and I do so much more than you can even see; working out fights, life lessons, battling child meltdowns and hormones. I mean if a person had to deal with their job back-talking and giving it a life lesson each time the opportune moment presented itself, well I am sure no business would promise to have it delivered in 30 minutes or it's free and you would definitely kiss "guaranteed to be delivered by" goodbye! 

Lots of valid reasons to be behind in my jobs and I have used them all more than once, including tonight. 

Tonight my husband woke up to kids fighting, came out to a mildly messy (on a scale of 1-10, 10 being worst disaster ever, 1 being "like how grandma kept her pristine home," about a 6- "lived in right after small child hurricanes came through"), had to find clean clothes in the "washed, but not yet folded" pile and ate cold fast food for dinner. Needless to say he was not happy and he unleashed the grump beast on me. 

"Is it so much to ask that you do your job?" he asked, frowning at his cold tacos. 

The excuses came rolling into my head fast and furious and my back stiffened indignantly.

 "What I ask for isn't much, but I guess it is too much to hope for. You know what I want, but I guess it's never gonna happen." 

Too irritated to hear anymore I left and went to "take care" of these super important things that I should have done, but didn't for a very good reason and was now too pissed to do, but was going to do anyway since it is "what he wanted" and heaven forbid he be inconvenienced. Harumph!!!

Not too long after, but long enough that I had battled between anger and self pity, he came down to find me "enduring my martyrdom" of midnight laundry folding. He apologized. I released the floodgate and cried....I was sorry too. 

Hubby and I have battled this struggle before. He wants a clean home, cared for children and food to eat- preferably home cooked and not "uh well this is what I came up with at the top of my head because I didn't plan" surprise casserole. I know this. I also know that when I actually TRY I can do it and do it well and it makes everything run smoothly and feel peaceful. So why doesn't it happen? Well.....you read my reasons......uh justifications........ok my excuses why earlier. Bottom line, laziness and procrastination were my frien-emies long before he was ever my beloved husband and they are terribly persuasive.

Right before my husband left we briefly discussed bills and upcoming expenses. He kissed me good bye, told me he loved me and sighed. 

"Why the sigh?"

"It is nothing."

"Really? Are you ok? What is wrong?"

"Nothing. Really. I just have to go work so I can provide for the happiness of the household. It's my job. It's what I do. Love you."

He gave me one more kiss and left, but I could sense the burden of his responsibility on his shoulders.

"It is my job. It is what I do." My heart ached and my shoulders slumped. A feeling of melancholy settled as I contemplated how I could help him. Could I help bring in money? What could I do? The desire to help him  ached inside. How can I help his burden?

"It's my job. It's what I do."

Lightening struck and it definitely stung a little. The answer was, quite literally, in front of me. I could do my job. I could do my job! When the home is clean and he has good food to eat and is a place of peace, he can escape to it and be rejuvenated. He can feel at ease knowing this part of his world is taken care of and he does not need to worry about it because I have it covered. So simple and so important. 

Yes. I have many justifications to not do my chores, but I have a really important reason to do them.....because they are my job and because I love my family. My husband works to provide because he loves us. So do I and I had forgotten that. There is joy loving my family through the work I do and I need to love them the best I can.