I HATE SPIDERS! HATE......spiders. Not dislike, not think ick or ew...i absolutely HATE spiders. One Halloween someone thought it would be funny to sneak up behind me and put a fake one on my shoulder...yeah they found my crying, curled up in a ball on the kitchen floor. And once one of those big, black ones ran under the couch I was sitting on (mind you this was an older couch with some busted springs, the kind where once you are in you are in for the long haul till someone pulls you out.) I could have been an Olympic sprint, hurdler jumping racer with how fast I was out of that couch and in another room. Hubby had to virtually take the couch apart in search of the stupid spider and I wouldn't sit on that couch for weeks! They freak me out ((shudder)) a LOT. Now I have made some peace with those daddy long legs, although if they are hanging in the same room I will on a bizarrely frequent time frame check to be sure they haven't moved anywhere in my direction, because if they have I am gone! But the rest of those creepy buggers....I KNOW they are out to get me and will eat me alive if they get near me! I HATE SPIDERS.
So why this big long and embarrassing confession of what many would call an irrational fear? Hang on...I'm getting to that, but first let me share a little about my son, the 10 year old, would be genius if he actually knew everything he claims to know.
When I was pregnant with my son I prayed for him regularly. I asked God to make him strong, smart, brave, passionate and devoted- all the things I imagined for a warrior for heaven. If I had had ANY idea what it meant to be a mother raising a warrior for heaven with all those qualities trapped inside a hormonal, strong willed, tween I would have prayed a whole lot differently. Now he believes he knows a LOT, especially if he has read the book on the topic and if he doesn't he just makes up "facts" that could be right and pitches them as logically as possible hoping you don't know enough to say otherwise. And let me admit here he is an amazing pitch man and actually is pretty smart so there have been a few occasions where I really have no idea if I been snowed till I hit google. (Talk about awkward parenting moment.) He believes he is wise and impressive till someone, usually mom, tells him he isn't quite so smart and impressive and questions his facts. Now mind you I also prayed for passionate and devoted which at the moment come out more like stubborn and strong willed. So I challenge this child's facts and if I can bring enough evidence to the table to satisfy this; logical thinking, stubborn, doesn't want to be wrong child, he will begrudgingly call truce. And believe it or not this can be some pretty gruelling battles so sometimes I simply leave it at "You are wrong on this son. I love you, but you are not correct."
So yesterday my son found a spider that he tried to bring in the house because he wanted to "check it out more." (Of course my son is FASCINATED by bugs and spiders even though I have tried to deter him.) Yeah, he lost that battle and 'Fred' had to stay outside in his 'special bow.' Well apparently he was dead or stayed there because this morning I wake to find my son has drawn a detailed picture of 'Fred' and the empty bowl is in the house. Once I have confirmed there is NO spider in the bowl or been let loose in my house through various parental fact extraction method and my heart rate has returned to normal I let my son share his picture with me. As he describes his spider he begins to wander into the territory of "questionable facts," and I express to him that I am not sure he is telling all truth. Uh-oh. It is on. On comes the stubborn expression and a whole lot of spider info (I could have done without) and he knows it because he read the books about it. I am just not believing it.....but I should have....because foolishly I said "if that is true I will be able to find it on the internet, do you want me to search or do you want to just tell me you made it up?" He looks at me and says, "Go ahead. It's true." No, no, no, no, no! This is my mommy bluff. You can't call my mommy bluff. My mind is racing over what spider info I know trying to find a way to prove he is wrong...I don't want to actually google this stuff. So I try again. "Really? You want me to check? And if you are wrong and caught in a lie to me, there are consequences, right? Are you sure these are true facts?" He looks at me, not smug, not scared, just straight at, "I know it's right mom, I read it and you should believe me. Look it up." NOOOOO! The gauntlet is laid....I have to look now.
So I begrudgingly type in the spider "fact" and poof up pops all kinds of info......and........pictures. Eww. Why? Now the small search engine sized pics next to the links, ok I can handle those, nonetheless I click on one with NO picture. Phew, no pic on the page either, but paragraphs about how he WAS right. Dang it. "Do you see it mommy? See I was right!" But that is not all, I challenged other facts so the search is not done. I type in the next one, click the link and BAM.....big 'ol spider picture all over my screen. NOOO! Oh no. Oh no. I can't read it. I can't type. I can't touch my computer...it is infected with spider! And it is a real pic, not a drawing and I am so, so , so not liking this. Before I know it I am hiding my face behind my daughter who has climbed on my lap to 'protect' me from the 'scary spider picture,' virtually in tears, begging them to 'make it go away!' While making comforting noises she quickly turns my page to facebook (smart girl ha ha) and tells me it is ok. Oh what a wonderful mommy moment (sigh.) Outwitted by my son and coddled by daughter. Awesome.
However, I am still going to chalk this up in my mommy points bank because.....well because I can dang it! I may have lost the battle of wits with my son and had to be saved by my daughter from the evil picture in my screen, but at the end of the day I was willing to face one of biggest fears to help my son....and if that isn't worth mommy points I don't know what is.
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